Being Hip

At Flood's all church community group on Wednesday, I made the following comment to Hanna:

"Man, it seems like everyone goes to the Serra Mesa Post-College group... kinda makes me want to go to a different one."

Now, Serra Mesa people, this is not because I do not love you and do not understand why you choose to go to that PC Group. A ton of really awesome people are involved in that one. It makes a heck of a lot of sense. Hanna responded by laughing, and:

"Wow. You really-- Well, if its wasn't so cool now to be a hipster, you really would be the biggest hipster."

This statement, in all its unassuming glory, is probably true, if you get back to what the original facts of being a hipster (before the plaid and the v-necks and the fixie bikes) were. In fact, there weren't facts back then because it wasn't a thing. Because "Being Hip," in my understanding, grew out of the amusing tendency of some people to listen to music no one else had ever heard of and read books no one else ever read and like weird art no one else ever liked. These tendencies are often still true of the best hipsters I know (yes, Henderson, I am looking at you.) And they aren't a bad thing.

Regardless of hipster-ism, Hanna's comment got me thinking today while I was running my errands (to Michaels, to pick up 59 cent acrylic paint which I intend to use in my paper bag wrapped cardboard canvases that I paint on because "I like found canvas". Good lord, add to my hipster tab??)

Why do I always feel disinclined to join the group, like the color, listen to the music, read the books, whatever the whatever, that everyone else really likes?

My entire life there has been a subconscious commentary that says "What's my favorite color? Well... everyone likes blue and purple and pink is a girly color and... I really think I like brown. Yeah. Brown. And I can justify it too!" Essentially "Everyone else really likes that thing... is there a thing no one else likes that you could like instead?"

On the topic of colors, Hanna said another thing yesterday to add to this conversation. "When she was little Emily [Hanna's sister] decided orange was her favorite colors because orange needed friends too!" Precious little kids, right? But it actually illuminates one of the reasons that I think I think this way. I am an includer. (In fact, Includer is in my top 5 strengths, if you know the Gallups Strengths Finder thing). I constantly feel a pressure to seek the person who is left out, disregarded, ostracized, or "weird" in some way and attempt to bring them in or at least befriend them on an individual level. I truly believe that every single person in this world has AT LEAST one really cool and worthwhile thing about them and that thing is worth finding and appreciating. Somehow, it may be that this desire to be inclusive has rubbed off on my interests. I want to go to the community group that ISN'T full of my friends and full of people really involved at Flood, not because I don't want to hang out with those people, but because I feel there's already enough of it there. I want to love that song that no one else has as their favorite because it deserves someone's appreciation too. I want to give my attention to the places that have the most need of attention, be it mine or someone else's. I want to love the unloved.

However, I think there's a little more to this hipster thing than that. And even more explanation to that in and of itself.

I think the aversion I have to "going with the crowd" might stem from a desire to feel specifically treasured, wanted, and loved. I value intimacy, one on one conversation, small groups of people. I also have a desperate desire to be special or unique, and loved for it. I feel like there is a very good chance that many of us who actively fight against trends may feel the same need. Where this void we think we're filling with uniqueness comes from has to be determined on an entirely individual basis. I'm pretty sure mine is part defense mechanism (actively embracing oddity to avoid being self-conscious and picked on about being a bit of a nerd), part family habit (no joke, both of my siblings are the same way about doing things differently), and part... part something I have yet to uncover.

Don't get me wrong, the things I like, I actually like. I don't go so far as to run after things I find boring, annoying, or completely off-putting just because other people aren't (this is a little bit different if we're talking about people, but we're not at the moment.) And I find that it's often really fulfilling to choose to be a part of the offbeat group.

But it is still a thought-pattern worth examining. It can get you into a lot of trouble, particularly if you have any level of self-esteem self-worth being-an-outsider issues already (which, if we're honest, most of us do.) It can be really isolating if it goes too far.

Just some thoughts. Now I'm off to rinse out the tank-top I tye-died with a bunch of girls last night between ating chocolate lava cake and having goofy photobooth sessions. I do love community, you know, even if I'm the weird girl who knows that a wedding venue with a private zoo has a menagerie and can't stop myself before the word slips out of my mouth. Love!