I started really writing in this blog out of a desire to match another blog, written by a guy I had a massive unhealthy crush on. Really stupid reason for writing a blog. Particularly one oriented around the grace and amazingness of God. What can I say, still human, still fallible, still an idiot a lot of the time.

I've since entered into a relationship with a really amazing guy, who is NOT the one with the blog, and stopped spending very much time producing anything of worth, be it writing, photography, or art of any kind. I write for school, sure, and I doodle sometimes, take photos with instagram and portraits of my sister, but nothing... real. As part of an attempt to reconnect with who I am--and DECIDE who I am, not just rekindle parts of old angsty me--I'm going to be turning this blog private. A throwback to livejournal days I guess. You're welcome to ask for the password and if I know you, I'll probably give it to you.

But I'm trying to beat Satan's isolation. Last night I ran into a wall that said "You don't have any friends but your boyfriend, and he doesn't even like most of the things you do...so what's going to happen to the creator, the crazy, the thinker, and the missionary side of you?" Lies and exaggerations of truths, blown out of proportion by hormones and a partially self-inflicted lack of community, but it still stabbed me in the heart.

I'm trying to take a stand again.

To stop seeking comfort and ease and start fighting back against the encroaches of the enemy. Because we do not struggle against flesh and blood, but against powers and authorities that we do not fully understand. But the good news is, Jesus already slayed the monster. We're fighting his convulsive death throes and the tormented tantrums of his generals as they run around like chickens with their heads cut off. The ultimate victory is assured.

If you have an interest in standing with me or reading my heart vomits about all of this, you're welcome to email me/comment on this blogpost.